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I can’t even begin to explain how insane my life has been since the last time I posted here.

So I’ll just give the highlights.

Broke up with a boy I’d been with a while, regained my power, lived a little life, went to an amazing concert and met an even more amazing boy, became homeless, walked almost 65 miles to live homeless a little better for a minute, am now planning on moving tomorrow to another state (there is a real house there).

Also, I’ve lost 34.2 pounds.

So I won’t go into details, but things have been completely chaotic for a while now.

But now, I’m ready to start focusing on my health again.

Yes, I lost a bit of weight. But my health has still not been my main focus. I don’t eat well and workout, I just don’t eat much and walk everywhere.

Stress helps with weight loss.

However, I’m ready to start getting my physical AND mental health under control.

It won’t be easy considering my life is still a mess and a lot of it can’t be fixed with anything but time and waiting to see what happens, but I have to learn how to find a little bit of peace in the chaos.

So today I clean the place I’m staying, I workout, I’m more careful with what I eat, and I go for a nice walk.
It’s a beautiful day here.

❤❤❤

Too many changes

My eating hasn’t been great the last few days. I made this whole plan and I haven’t followed it at all.  I have done a lot better than I was doing, definitely not terrible. But not as well as I should have.

I don’t handle change well.

I quit my old job and I start my new job Monday, and it’s obviously been and will continue to be a bit of a routine change for me. Completely different job, different hours, different town.

There’s also a lot going on in my personal life, my husband is under a lot of stress and pressure right now with work and other huge things I probably shouldn’t discuss here.

There’s just a huge transition period going on for everyone right now, and it’s a bit overwhelming. So I’ve been stress eating, and not sleeping at normal times or much at all sometimes. Its just been a lot.

I need to stop letting everything get to me. Also I’m going to try to sit down tomorrow and just make a few goals for next week instead of trying to tackle everything at once.

I’m a perfectionist, and I’m all or nothing. If I don’t do perfectly at something, I feel like I shouldn’t even bother.

But I need to stop. I need to start taking a few steps at a time, instead of going all or nothing.

I just need to recenter this weekend.

Eating out of boredum

I have technically been unemployed for two days.

I have a job interview tomorrow at a place that basically hands out jobs like candy, so I’m sure I’ll be working by the start of next week.

But to be honest, my last job was dreadful. It was an incredibly poorly run factory, VERY physical, and no one really knew what they were doing.

So the last couple days I’ve been just kind of recouperating, doing a lot of laying around. But I’m already so bored it’s killing me. And the boredom is causing me to want to eat everything.

I’m a very emotional eater. I’m an impulsive person by nature, and I have a hard time actually dealing with emotions.

Full disclosure, I have bipolar disorder, PTSD, panic disorder, and BPD. So dealing with the emotions that I know make no sense to start with isn’t easy anyways. I’ve always just escaped them instead of dealing with them.

I used to abuse drugs and alcohol to handle these issues, but when I met my husband enough was enough and I had to stop. So now all I have to cope are cigarettes and food.

And yes, I am learning to handle these emotions. Writing, praying, meditation.

But days like today, I’m exhausted, I’m bored, and I’m on a bit of a downswing as it is. And it’s very difficult not to just reach for a bag of chips and forget all of my goals.

But again, enough is enough. Instant gratification won’t do anything for me, and my long term goals are much more important.

Just a bit of a rant, and I felt like giving you guys a bit more of my background as to why I’m so overweight.

I’ll make a real update with my intake and exercise for the day later.

Hope everyone is having a great Tuesday ❤

This weeks plan (Day 1)

So I made an eating and exercise plan for the week, so I thought I would go ahead and share that!

Monday (today)
-No calorie limit today, just watching portions to try to get back into the swing of things.
-30 minutes of yoga

Tuesday
-1,100 to 1,200 calories
-30+ minute walk

Wednesday
-1,500 to 1,600 calories
-20 minutes of HIIT

Thursday
– 1,400 to 1,500 calories
– 30 minutes of strengthening and toning, 30 minutes of yoga

Friday
– 1,800 or less calories
– 30 minutes of yoga

Saturday
– 1,200 to 1,300 calories
– Half mile walk warm up, 1 mile (timed) jog, half mile walk cool down

Sunday
– 1,400 to 1,500 calories
– 30 minutes Zumba toning, 1 hour Zumba

So that’s the plan for this week! Starting out a bit slow with the exercise, but I’m going to slowly work up to more cardio and strength. I’m also going to get a gym membership eventually, but I won’t have the money until I start my new job.

And I like to vary my calorie amounts daily, for whatever reason it helps me stay focused.

So I also thought I would go ahead and post some of my biggest goals and motivations throughout this fitness journey.

– Get down to roughly 158 lbs
– Be able to wear what I want without feeling self concious
– Run an 8 minute mile by the end of August
– Be able to do pull ups
– Run a 5k by the end of the year
– Be a better, healthier role model for my step son
– Ultimately have more children, and not have higher obesity related health factors during pregnancy
– Become a certified Zumba instructor as well as group fitness instructor, and someday open my own fitness studio
– Quit smoking by the end of May (yes I’m a cigarette smoker and I obviously need to stop)

Those are pretty scattered long and short term goals, and that isn’t even close to all of them, but those are some of my biggest motivations.

I’ll start posting daily intake and exercise tomorrow.

Wish me luck this week!

The Beginning

Hello! My names Grace, and I just started on WordPress.

This is going to be a blog chronicling my weight loss and fitness journey. I’ve lost over 35 lbs in the last year, but I still have quite a bit to go.

I used to do a fitness Xanga, and I had a lot of friends and support, so I’m hoping this could be the same thing.

I’m going to start a new eating plan tomorrow, as well as figure out a fitness routine centered around Zumba and yoga.

A little background on me:
I’ve been overweight my entire adult life. I’ve struggled with an eating disorder as well as yo-yo dieting. I’ve lost a LOT of weight in a short time only to gain it all back and then some.

But after losing so much weight without even trying, I’m ready to really get focused on a healthy lifestyle. Ultimately I would like to reach my goal weight (which is just roughly where I want to be, a little more or less maybe, just wherever I’m happy), and become a Zumba and group fitness instructor.

These are my stats:

High weight: 238
Low weight: 172
Current weight: 202
Ultimate goal weight: 158

I’ll add my measurements and stuff later.

I’ll be posting almost daily with my intake and exercise, as well as recipes, “fitspiration”, and my weekly weigh ins.

I hope to get to know some people with similar goals 🙂

-Grace